Today was a culmination of frustrations that illustrate why I am not happy at my job. Yes, I am going to blog about work in public which has become a rare thing.
I went into work this morning so that I could do a little work to fix a problem that I have discovered yesterday in my work. This way when I had students around in the evening, we weren’t having to fix them then. I have also had a missing student worker, so I have started to assume he is not going to be available and that I’m alone with students who are learning the process but are not always capable of doing it on their own.
In order to complete this work, I had to use my woodshop and make a lot of noise. Upon entering the shop, which is next door to a theatre without a proper sound barrier, I learn that there is a bunch of high school students on stage playing in a band concert. A concert that I had not been informed of and I would later be informed that our department was not informed of this until yesterday.
I got out my laptop and did a few things on it hoping that I can wait them out and then make noise when they are done. Of course, then I realized it was a bunch of schools and it was not going to be done any time soon. So, I went and grabbed lunch early and when I came back noticed they were between performances and so I quickly did my work and got on my way.
The above situation is a constant problem of mine. I am not able to do work due to something in the theatre, which I have no control over and do not have any knowledge of the events scheduled. I do not know from day to day whether I will go to work and be able to accomplish something or waste my day doing nothing because I cannot.
On top of this, other facilities that I need access to in order to complete my job are operated by other people and do not inform me either. So, even if I can do work in my woodshop, this does not mean I can accomplish things. In addition, I do not own a large vehicle and rely on my job to provide me with proper items that are required to complete my job. This, at the moment, is my colleague’s truck, though I personally think we should not be using our personal vehicles, but it’s his choice. That is, until it breaks down and I can’t use it when I need to.
Ok, so all of this has happened over the last week, which has caused me to delay my work or work on things that I don’t need to do right now. All of this keeps me from performing my duties at top notch skill. So, in turn, it must be my fault that I have to inform people that I can’t complete the task on time and that it will be delayed by a week. “But, if we don’t have this or that, the whole company will be delayed” they will say. And, I get to nod and say, I know and I am working on it knowing full well that there is nothing I can really do to fix this problem. So, instead, I “get” to work long hours, evenings & weekends to do my job. I “get” to, yes.
My colleague gave a possible solution of pushing some of his student work force over to me to work on it. But, I know or I hope he knows that I’m not lacking student help, I’m lacking the facilities, resources and things I need in order to complete the projects desired. This has nothing to do with my planning or poor planning, even if I had started earlier on my process, I would still run into these walls because I am dependent on all of these other variables. Yet, it’s still my problem to solve.. I so just want to scream but I know it won’t do any good. Even during meetings we all know the problems we are facing and we all know it’s not our fault, it’s just frustrating when it’s not clear in front of the students.
It frustrates me that my skills, no matter what kind of skills I have, cannot be fully realized due to limitations places on me from outside variables. I have learned to adapt, but it’s so frustrating that it is driving me away from the career I thought I loved.
If any of my students read this, if you want to know why I’m taking classes in International Relations, I will not lie to anyone when I find work elsewhere – this University is crap when it comes to resources and support for their facilities, their faculty and their students. I have no problem explaining that I am not leaving because I hate someone or can’t stand working with someone. I truly believe I can work with everyone in my department & work with them well. But when a job asks of me more than I feel I should provide due to their inadequacy, I have no problem saying “Goodbye” when I chose to leave.
I am proud of myself for one thing this week – I have already remained firm in the fact that when I leave for vacation, I am not coming back until I am done with my vacation. I do not care if the department needs something, if the University needs something. I will not be answering any phone call from work. Solve your problems, work with what you have and I don’t care. This is the most strict approach I have taken since I started here and it all stems from the fact that I am taking control of my life so that my job does not destroy any sense of human dignity I have remaining.
On that note, I am off to bed, I am giving a midterm tomorrow that I consider to be one of the hardest tests that some of these students will take while at this University. But, before that, I have to wake up early enough to lecture & go to class.
This week has been a week that would not end, I swear. Part of my problem is that I keep feeling as though I am walking through this world alone. Whether this is true or not, I do not know. I know part of it is my own fault since I don’t have a lot of time to call up my friends, but it seems many of them are in the same boat as me. Add to that the fact that I have no family here, I’m currently going through a rather emotional spiritual change and I get stressed from work too easily, I ended up just not wanting to deal with anything.
First, I want to thank everyone of my friends who took the time to post a comment on the previous post about why they are Muslim. Sadly, I know many more females than I do males in the Muslim faith, so most of the commenter are female which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I find it rather interesting and realized this as I started to notice this trend.
Tuesday showed me again why I do not like my workplace. I had to express my concern to another coworker after we planned a meeting then told students less than 24 hours from when the meeting was scheduled. We also didn’t do my suggestion to have the meeting scheduled during the scheduled class time when our class is scheduled on people’s schedules, but instead we scheduled it for earlier in the day. Just doesn’t make sense to me – I think it would be smarter to schedule meetings earlier in advance and then do it at time when most will be free to come. I had to express my concern due to the fact that we are growing and we have roughly 100 majors and minors now which means we cannot assume we can all get together anymore unless we plan ahead. I have also heard students complain about how quickly meetings are scheduled and how short of notice they get. I doubt this will change anytime soon, but at least I know I have done something..
Of course, the meeting situation got worse when the times had to be redone due to something that came up the day of the meeting – (yet -if they had followed my lead it would have stayed the same – just had to say it..).
Thursday was my last day of classes before a break and today I went in just for my students so they can finish their projects. I am also working on getting my life back from work and have figured out that I just need to ignore my cell phone and emails once in awhile. My general idea is – what would you do if I didn’t have a cell phone or access to computer? Guess you have to tell me sooner right? Sure, this will get some people to not like me because I’m less available, but I feel it is what I need to do if I want to have a life away from work.
I’m also a nerd and emailed the professor of a class I plan to take next semester to ask whether he know what books he was planning to use as I would like to get a jump start on the reading. And, yay, he replied back, so I immediately ordered them..lol. The only thing stopping me from taking the class is a medical form, so I have to schedule an appointment during my semester break. I also looked into the possibility of what classes I can take online, so maybe next year I can work up some money to take a class or two more, I would love to get this Masters degree done in a few years, then I might actually think about other possible job options in the international political world.
Tomorrow I have to get up early (ick!) for one last thing for the University. As soon as I get home from that, I am free for a week. I plan to ignore work phone calls, so if you try to call me & you are from my University, leave me a bloody message and I’ll decide what I want to do.
I suppose I should update this thing My blog is about to enter the mode of “I will update it whenever I can” due to my impending busy schedule that is about to hit me very hard starting Sunday when I have an all day work call so we can put a set together that must be in the theatre in a week. Yes, that’s correct, we just started building it because the designs were just finished to a place where I could proceed this past week. I’m beginning to wonder when my department will realize that the way we are operating is not effective when we do not have a full time shop or a person who is working full time in the shop. I’m just thankful that my stress will enter after Ramadan since I now have a clear focus of how to eat right, how to seek out knowledge and I have clearly established friendships that I will be maintaining. My only hope is that I can learn to say no, which has been a hard thing for me to ever do because I hate telling people no when deep down I know I can do something. For example, the other day I had to get a little firm in our production meeting because I needed to get started building the set for my own sanity so that I could maintain my own personal life outside of this job and if we continued to change the designs of the set, I was not going to be able to. I’m sorry, but this job is not taking all of my life – I will have a social life, I will develop friendships & I will not allow anyone in my job to do to me what I have been doing the last two years. If I must, I will allow a show to suffer. I’m sorry if that disappoints anyone.
At least I’m doing something I didn’t do before. I’m ignoring emails more often when I don’t need to answer them. I’m not always picking up the phone when someone calls me, I’m making myself less available on purpose.
However, one good news that came out of this week was that I’m pretty sure I was finally able to get all of my teaching load on the same days which means I have two full days of teaching & a half day of meetings and then the rest of the time is up to me to schedule as office hours, shop hours, personal time. Since I don’t have to teach on Mon, Wed & Fridays, maybe I can get myself into a class sometime during the day – now that would be just fantastic & I would be the first in my department to do so since any of them started to work here and not be required to.
So, outside of work, I’ve been reading a ton. I have been able to read a little each night of Ramadan except for one when I was forced to choose between working out, sleep & reading and could really only do two and still function the next day so I chose to work out & sleep. But, that means I have worked out every day of Ramadan & it is starting to show. I feel better, I look better. A pair of pants that during the summer was tight is now so big that I think after this week I’m going to retire them. And the ones I bought at the beginning of the month must now be held up with a belt. I can only hope that I can keep going, even if it’s not every day. Do I have the motivation to now continue it?
I have also done well in having no fast food all month & it feels great, I don’t feel bloated, wasted or fat. I don’t feel like there is something huge sitting in my gut. And what was great is that I was only tempted once to eat it this month and that was a couple days ago when my lunch was ruined for leaving my mini-fridge in my shop open for 3 hours allowing all the coldness to disappear, but I went to a sub place because I figured that was a good alternative to possible food poising or bad tasting food..lol.
Tomorrow, I shall mow my grass, wash my dishes and clean my house. I’ll try to do some grading and get caught up in some of it, plan out the week a little more in terms of classes & prep myself for a very very busy week.
I will end the day with a bunch of friends that I have asked to join me to celebrate Eid ul-Fitr and the end of Ramadan. I’m not sure if tomorrow is officially the end, but it was the best day to get everyone together so it will have to work. A few of my friends haven’t met each other, so it will be fun to see if any of them become friends, I hope they do because they are all fantastic & filled with their own culture that I love. Some of them are bringing their boyfriends/girlfriends, though a few of them are not since they either have to work or the thought of celebrating a Muslim holiday they know nothing about makes them uneasy. The only downside to the evening is that our celebration will occur almost at the same time everyone will be going out to eat following our first home football game. Yeah, great planning right? lol.
Well, that’s it for my personal rants, raves and future plans. I hope everyone is having a fantastic life and may you all have a wonderful Eid
Wow I have to get used to my days when I get the full day on my feet. Today was draining. I hope it doesn’t stay this way. But, teaching one class at 8:30am, a second one at 10am and a third one at 1pm followed by 3 hours of work in my shop, and my only breaks are 2ish hours for lunch and 40 mins between my AM classes. And today’s work in the shop was easy – cleaning..lol. I literally felt like crawling into bed when I got home if it hadn’t been for the fact that I have tomorrow basically off.
The other reason I couldn’t just go to bed is because part of our cleaning was to pour our old paint cans into a bucket to use for priming. Unfortunately my new freshman students didn’t realize this mean to keep the chunks out of it, so I had to go back through the big buck and scoop out the chunks and one decided to splash paint on my face and hair. I was able to get paint off my face, but my hair was a different story. I would then have paint in my hair for the next couple hours until I was able to get a shower.
So, tomorrow, I am only going into work to walk my shop assistant through our storage facility so he knows what needs to be done there and anything else he needs to know. It’ll probably take about an hour or so, and the rest of my day is mine. YAY. Tomorrow is also my first day of giving up fast food, working out & focusing on my studies, so I will be reading, working out and if I can, I’m going to go shopping to start preparing for the next month. I’ll need to take my small fridge to my shop as well because I will need to take my lunch often. This should be fun and challenging but if I succeed it’s going to change my life, so it’s a good thing.
Today, I accomplished a lot less than I wanted to accomplish, but probably a lot more than I should have – if that makes any sense..lol.
Anyway, the morning started off just like any other morning, I’m actually waking up pretty easily, despite sometimes being tired, which is a good thing. After my morning routine was finished, I headed in to the University to teach my first and only class of the day. It went pretty well, though the students did have to laugh at me when I only wrote 11 out of the 12 safety tips on the board, luckily the one who was taking notes for me was keeping track or I would have totally forgot. I had a little brain freeze.
After that, I helped a student with another course’s reading as she was having a little difficulty getting through the material and did some office work before having lunch with one of my friends. We got to gossip, chat and catch up it was nice.
Once lunch was over, I did more office work, had a meeting, had another meeting and then came home and do some stuff for myself. All in all, it was a good day.
The reason I say I probably did more than I had planned was because I was suppose to be busy all evening with a cook out that would have taken more of my time, but since we postponed it due to weather, I ended up with more time. Of course, did I use it wisely. Heck no!
My blog is about to enter the mode of “I will update it whenever I can” due to my impending busy schedule that is about to hit me very hard starting Sunday when I have an all day work call so we can put a set together that must be in the theatre in a week. Yes, that’s correct, we just started building it because the designs were just finished to a place where I could proceed this past week. I’m beginning to wonder when my department will realize that the way we are operating is not effective when we do not have a full time shop or a person who is working full time in the shop. I’m just thankful that my stress will enter after Ramadan since I now have a clear focus of how to eat right, how to seek out knowledge and I have clearly established friendships that I will be maintaining. My only hope is that I can learn to say no, which has been a hard thing for me to ever do because I hate telling people no when deep down I know I can do something. For example, the other day I had to get a little firm in our production meeting because I needed to get started building the set for my own sanity so that I could maintain my own personal life outside of this job and if we continued to change the designs of the set, I was not going to be able to. I’m sorry, but this job is not taking all of my life – I will have a social life, I will develop friendships & I will not allow anyone in my job to do to me what I have been doing the last two years. If I must, I will allow a show to suffer. I’m sorry if that disappoints anyone.
