Awaking in Pain

Yesterday, I woke up early in the morning with sore throat. After drinking a little water and popping in a couple of tylenol, I got back into bed and switched on the TV for a bit as I waited for either my body to get back to sleep or the drugs to work. As I laid there, I checked my phone and I was happy to see a surprise – I received a text from a friend overseas whom I have been helping through some problems lately. It was really sweet of her and I sent one back, and it made me smile. Despite having a painful throat, I was able to put a smile on my face. I realized at that moment that while I don’t have a ton of friends in this area, I do have friends around the world and I know I can count on them if I am ever in a situation of need.

Today, I woke up with a sinus headache and a cough, my appetite is acting weird and I don’t feel the greatest. But, I know this is likely the worst I’ll be. When I get sick, this is how sick I get, usually it lasts a day or two and it goes away. I spent most of my evening sleeping and I will try to get back to sleep in a bit, luckily I am not getting behind in anything anymore than I was.

In other news, I booked a vacation earlier this week and I am going to have a much needed break from my daily stress. During this next week, I will travel to a conference where I will be presenting a workshop and then I will leave shortly after that for a vacation. Some people have told me not to blog much or tweet much during these times, but I haven’t decided what I want to do just yet. My vacation is not a vacation from the world, but a vacation from my job & daily stress. I don’t think I can go that long without reading news, communicating with friends & writing. I know I won’t be as active, partly because where I am going won’t have a lot of cell phone coverage and I will be focused on my studies, so we shall see what happens.

With love & peace

Frustrations on the job

Today was a culmination of frustrations that illustrate why I am not happy at my job. Yes, I am going to blog about work in public which has become a rare thing.

I went into work this morning so that I could do a little work to fix a problem that I have discovered yesterday in my work. This way when I had students around in the evening, we weren’t having to fix them then. I have also had a missing student worker, so I have started to assume he is not going to be available and that I’m alone with students who are learning the process but are not always capable of doing it on their own.

In order to complete this work, I had to use my woodshop and make a lot of noise. Upon entering the shop, which is next door to a theatre without a proper sound barrier, I learn that there is a bunch of high school students on stage playing in a band concert. A concert that I had not been informed of and I would later be informed that our department was not informed of this until yesterday.

I got out my laptop and did a few things on it hoping that I can wait them out and then make noise when they are done. Of course, then I realized it was a bunch of schools and it was not going to be done any time soon. So, I went and grabbed lunch early and when I came back noticed they were between performances and so I quickly did my work and got on my way.

The above situation is a constant problem of mine. I am not able to do work due to something in the theatre, which I have no control over and do not have any knowledge of the events scheduled. I do not know from day to day whether I will go to work and be able to accomplish something or waste my day doing nothing because I cannot.

On top of this, other facilities that I need access to in order to complete my job are operated by other people and do not inform me either. So, even if I can do work in my woodshop, this does not mean I can accomplish things. In addition, I do not own a large vehicle and rely on my job to provide me with proper items that are required to complete my job. This, at the moment, is my colleague’s truck, though I personally think we should not be using our personal vehicles, but it’s his choice. That is, until it breaks down and I can’t use it when I need to.

Ok, so all of this has happened over the last week, which has caused me to delay my work or work on things that I don’t need to do right now. All of this keeps me from performing my duties at top notch skill. So, in turn, it must be my fault that I have to inform people that I can’t complete the task on time and that it will be delayed by a week. “But, if we don’t have this or that, the whole company will be delayed” they will say. And, I get to nod and say, I know and I am working on it knowing full well that there is nothing I can really do to fix this problem. So, instead, I “get” to work long hours, evenings & weekends to do my job. I “get” to, yes.

My colleague gave a possible solution of pushing some of his student work force over to me to work on it. But, I know or I hope he knows that I’m not lacking student help, I’m lacking the facilities, resources and things I need in order to complete the projects desired. This has nothing to do with my planning or poor planning, even if I had started earlier on my process, I would still run into these walls because I am dependent on all of these other variables. Yet, it’s still my problem to solve.. I so just want to scream but I know it won’t do any good. Even during meetings we all know the problems we are facing and we all know it’s not our fault, it’s just frustrating when it’s not clear in front of the students.

It frustrates me that my skills, no matter what kind of skills I have, cannot be fully realized due to limitations places on me from outside variables. I have learned to adapt, but it’s so frustrating that it is driving me away from the career I thought I loved.

If any of my students read this, if you want to know why I’m taking classes in International Relations, I will not lie to anyone when I find work elsewhere – this University is crap when it comes to resources and support for their facilities, their faculty and their students. I have no problem explaining that I am not leaving because I hate someone or can’t stand working with someone. I truly believe I can work with everyone in my department & work with them well. But when a job asks of me more than I feel I should provide due to their inadequacy, I have no problem saying “Goodbye” when I chose to leave.

I am proud of myself for one thing this week – I have already remained firm in the fact that when I leave for vacation, I am not coming back until I am done with my vacation. I do not care if the department needs something, if the University needs something. I will not be answering any phone call from work. Solve your problems, work with what you have and I don’t care. This is the most strict approach I have taken since I started here and it all stems from the fact that I am taking control of my life so that my job does not destroy any sense of human dignity I have remaining.

On that note, I am off to bed, I am giving a midterm tomorrow that I consider to be one of the hardest tests that some of these students will take while at this University. But, before that, I have to wake up early enough to lecture & go to class.

Dearest Friend

So, I wasn’t in the greatest mood, but sometimes getting spam messages that are trying to scam you out of money can be fun to play around with.

Now, I will say, these types of emails have evolved over the course of the internet and are getting better and more believable, but this is still a scam, attempting to get you to reply and then they will slowly try to get you to put up money to get access to this money she has. Oh, sadly, you have to pay $5,000 to get the money out of the security account..just wire the money over and I will get it out..

It’s sad that people do fall for this trick, obviously, they have to be naive Christians, likely going to be older folks who don’t know this is fake.

So, anyway, have fun reading it – my comments are in between the “(” & “)”

Warning – none of this is meant to be insulting to a real person, it’s all mocking and in good fun. If you get offended, I’m sorry – you probably shouldn’t be my friend because I love to mock people.

From: Mrs. Lilian Clinton Foundation,
Dearest Friend, (I’m not your friend, I have no idea who you are)

I am the above named person but now undergoing medical treatment for cancer now. (best of luck to you, you can beat it) I am married to Mr. Tom Clinton. (That’s nice) We were married for eleven years without a child. (Are you married or are you not, you changed your tense from present to past…) He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. (Past, sorry to hear about his death.) Before his death we were both born again Christians. (I love born again Christians, they proudly show off the fact that they left their faith, became sinners & because they magically believe, they are righteous again) Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. (And I care why?…) When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $5 Million (Five Million U.S Dollars) in security firm. (That was nice of him. So why are you randomly emailing me again? )

Presently, this money is still with the Security Company in London England. (Haven’t you ever heard of a will? You can have someone draw you up one, donating the money directly to a specific church or organization..) Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to cancer problem. (That’s sad, I’m sorry, may your last 3 months be miserable, oh wait, you don’t want me to be sadistic…) Though what disturbs me most is my stroke. (Many stroke victims lose control of basic motor functions, the fact that you can type me this email – you shouldn’t be concerned.) Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to church or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. (And you think I go to Church?) I want a church or individual that will use this to fund churches, orphanages and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. (So you want to spend your money on people who will push their bible’s into my faces…great..) The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth. (Don’t give it to me, I bite) I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my husbands hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. (Aren’t they just a bunch of idiots. Don’t they know all they need to do is come to your bedside, ask for the Lord’s forgiveness – O Jesus, then fall down drooling while speaking in tongues? Instant millionaire)

I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. (Get to your point already..) I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. (Straight to Hell?) I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. (The Lord has BOOBIES!) Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. (So God is a warmonger?) I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health and because of the presence of my husband’s relatives around me always. (So you can’t talk on the phone, but you can type up an email?) I don’t want them to know about this development. (Isn’t lying a sin? Bow down to the Lord & ask for his forgiveness, Woman!) With God all things are possible. (I haven’t seen pigs flying yet.) As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Security Company. (What’s my name, say my name B****.) I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the original-beneficiary of this fund. (How thoughtful of you) I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. (I still have no idea who’s church you are talking about – Last time I was in a Church someone died or got married) My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. (For a woman with 5 million dollars, I bet you had a lot more happiness than just Jesus..)

Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit, and truth. (Nicely put, fake spam person who wants to steal my credit, name or money) Please always be prayerful all through your life. (I don’t need to be lectured by a dying woman..sorry) Any delay in your reply will give me room in sousing for a church or Christian individual for this same purpose. (You’re going to get drunk?) Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. (I will, as you can see, I had fun with your letter.) Hoping to hear from you. (You wrote a nice letter.)

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord, His Love.
I await your response,
Mrs. Lilian Clinton Foundation.

Soft and Silvery White

I give up. I wake up every morning in a decent mood, go to work and I remain in a good mood and I come home and I’m exhausted and cannot do anything but think about sleep. I know part of this is due to the fact that my day starts early with classes or work starting at 9am and many days I don’t get home until late, if I’m lucky I’ll get out at 5pm, but it’s rare. Today, I left at 7pm. Tomorrow, I normally get the morning off, but I need to go in and do work that I wanted to get done today so I can prep it for tomorrow night.

I’m just so sick of always being tired and never feeling like the work ends…

I’m very much thinking about booking myself a vacation after next week, I need time off and I need to do it in a place that is away from here. I found a really nice excluded cabin where cell phones don’t tend to work, but I would still have internet access. I will have a midterm essay exam to work on that week and I have a lot of reading I want to do. I’m just thinking I need to take myself away from my current world so I can focus on what I enjoy instead of always being so tired.

I just don’t know how I can survive this much longer..

Three mini-rants

I would love to tell you that something new has entered my life, but I can’t. Instead, I’m going to bore you with some lame details of my usual boring life that has occurred this week. I’ll start off with a tiny rant, just to get my blood flowing…

I would like to know how an 18 year old in the United States does not know how to solve basic problems on a computer. I’m not talking complicated things, but simple things. Such as – downloading a Microsoft Word document, opening it, typing in it. How is it possible that you don’t know the difference between a “viewer” program and the actual program? How is it possible that you can’t use the “shift” key on your keyboard and the little “.” to end your sentences. Is it really that much more work to capitalize your “i”? I’m sorry, if you can’t do these basic things, how the hell did you graduate high school?

Ok, that rant is over. Time for my next rant.

I did not get the work done that I wanted to this week. Why? It had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with me, but the fact that my colleague’s vehicle wasn’t working, and my car is not big enough to move anything more than very small things. So, why do I not have access to a larger vehicle provided by the University so that I can do my job? I decided that I will start recording what I use my car for and what I use my colleague’s truck for so I can justify the need for a vehicle because I know I’m spending hundreds of dollars of my own money to do my job.

Ok, third rant.

I rarely get mad on twitter, but there are two things that can get me mad, though it won’t last very long and I never take things personal, it just gets me worked up enough that I go off on people. One is attempting to slander me by accusing me of anti-semetism when I criticize the State of Israel, argue against the idea that my criticism has anything to do with religion or race of either party. I have every right to criticize a government, especially one that receives my tax dollars. I have every right to criticize a country. I have nothing against Jews or Judaism. The funny thing is that I used to fear someone using this insult against me in my job and then I realized that I can take legal action against this, so bring it on.

The other topic that will get me mad is the claim that Muslim women are somehow oppressed, or not as good as “Western” women. The contention is that since many Arab countries are Muslim or ruled by “Islamic” law, they somehow are not as good for women’s freedoms. Yet, the economic status of these countries (GDP), the continued destruction of their lands, or the fact that they hold other cultural practices that don’t come from Islam has nothing to do with it apparently. And, who’s right is it to tell women when they are free or not? Is modernity a good thing? What does being free mean? My argument is that no one has the right to tell a woman what she can or can’t do, so stop telling her she can or can’t do something. The “West” has no right to determine what free is – and when we do, how do we bring this to them? Oh, by occupation, war, rape, torture & murdering their people, destroying their lands. “Operation Iraqi Freedom” right?

Alright, rants are over.

This weekend, I’m going to be doing a lot of grading and reading, but the first thing I plan to do is sleeping. And with that, I’m off to bed. Sweet Dreams will come, inshallah. And may you learn to love.