Okay, so I hate my phone. I am starting to have a lot of problems with it that I am willing to spend the money to get a new one, but I don’t want to have to do this again in 6-9 months, I just can’t afford it. So, I need your help in figuring out what is best for me.
First of all, the phone I have now is an LG Incite. It is a touch screen phone running on Windows Mobile 6.1. The problems I am having with it range from the phone’s inablity to connect or stay connected to the data network (3g or E) causing me to have network errors. Especially when I’m using email or twitter apps. My phone sometimes fails to connect to the cell tower to make a phone call despite having bars as well and on occasion hasn’t rang when someone calls. The internal RAM is too small making it impossible to switch quickly between programs or functions. Such as a twitter application and my camera. The operating system frequently becomes unresponsive to a point where I have to reset. The camera settings do not maintain and I find myself taking low res photos when I thought I was taking high res. And finally, my touch screen – the upper corner where the “x” sits no longer functions, making it nearly difficult to close anything unless I tilt the phone sideways. I also have been hard on it and there are now multiple scratched and scuffs on the screen and when the light hits it at the right place I sometimes can see some parts of the screen because of the scuffs.
So, my question is this: If I’m going to spend money on a phone, what is the best phone for me to have.
I must have a smart phone, I could not function without one and find myself using more and more of the features just about every week.
I enjoy having a decent camera so I don’t have to carry around my SLR Canon everywhere when I just need a quick shot of something.
The phone must have Twitter apps available, since I use twitter everywhere and I want to utilize my data stream since I pay for unlimited of that but I don’t text enough to spend more on it.
I don’t need it to function as an MP3 player, but would use it if it had it.
I currently pay for a navigator service but that doesn’t mean I have to keep it.
I hate Windows Mobile. In fact, I hate all things windows and find their OS is unstable, I can survive with the OS on my computer but it appears that I can’t handle the crap on my phone.
Here are my choices that I an leaning towards:
The Blackberry Bold
I have never owned a blackberry before and this one looks very complicated, but very functional. When comparing side by side with the iPhone (below), they seem to have very similar functions except for the touch screen aspect. This one would cost me $449 and does not come with memory, however, I already have a 4 gig card I can put into it.
The iPhone 3G S
My biggest worry with the iPhone is the fact that it has a touch screen and knowing my problems that I have with my current touch screen phone, I’m hesitant with that. I think I am desiring the keyboard rather than the onscreen version, especially with something this small. But, my experience with the Apple OS has been good and I eventually want to head back that direction to dump Windows from my life for good. This model is 32 gigs for $499, but I could go down to 16 gigs for $399 or even still get an 8 gig 3G for $299.
My other option is the Blackberry Curve for $299, seems like all the same type features as the Blackberry Bold except for Video & Video Conferencing. Which I don’t think I need either.
So, here is where you come in. If you have a Blackberry or iPhone, what do you like about it? What do you hate about it? What are the pros and cons? Knowing that right now, price or contract are not my problems, tell me your opinions. However, please be honest, just because you are a Mac person and love all things Apple or love Blackberry and wouldn’t give it up, tell me what problems you have had.
Also, if you are in theatre, tell me some things you do with your iPhone or Blackberry that might help me with my profession. Just try to also keep in mind that because I am working in the scene shop, I and very hard on my phones.
So, please give me your thoughts, as I’m about to throw my phone against a brick wall because of how much I hate it right now.
One of the questions in my poll a few posts back was “Have you ever thought of suicide?”
The answer is yes. There have been two moments in my life that I have been within moments of making the choice. The first one seems so lame now that I look back on it as I had not known pain, yet I thought I was in pain so unbareable that I suicide was the only way to release it. It wasn’t until the second time around did I realize just what pain felt like.
Both of these incidents happened in moments of my life when I felt very lost, alone & unsure of how to survive on my own. But, both of these events, I believe were changing moments in my life that has led me down a path of greater understanding & happiness. Had things gotten worse in those moments, I may not be discussing it now as thought it was in the past.
It became known to me during both of these that suicide is only one answer to the question, but only one. While it is still the choice of the individual & is not to be denied to them, it must be known to them that their choice is the ultimate one without being able to go back. It may seem like the answer, but it does not have to be.
My first experience happened when I was 15. I had grown up in a fairly good home with both parents being educated, employed and happily married. But, things fell appart a little in the family life at that time. My mother would reveal that she was pregnant & have her third child (she was 38 years old at the time). My younger brother would have his first major panic attack during school & the next year I witnessed things that I wished I would never see. I was even put into a situation where I was asked to hold my brother so my father could talk him down from his rage. Anxiety & panic attacks can be very hard to deal with, especially for an 11 year old like he was. So, while my family started to split apart, I found myself feeling more alone. I was having trouble making friends at school & would often find that my “friends” were more interested in getting answers for homework than being my friend. And, of course, I was also in the middle of my teenage years where emotions play with your head & hormones mess with your ability to focus sometimes. While locked up in my room, I had very little to do but think about the pain. It was at that moment that I returned to the God I had been raised on & saw the power of faith and what role it can play in bringing you out of the destructiveness that I had found myself in. Between age 15 & 18, my spiritual self played a big role in who I was. While I would eventually leave the faith I was raised in for my current ideals of god, it was a path that has forever changed me.
The second happened after 6 months of torment in a failed marriage that was not even a year old. My emotions had been played so long as I competed with the “other”. The stress & emotional low that came with the idea that my 7 year relationship, the person I cared the most about & loved so much that I would die for them, only to find out they are willing to say they love someone else, but they love me as well. To see the notes exchanged between them, to know they work together & spend time together every day, to feel betrayed & unsure who to trust. This pain is almost unbearable. Seeing the hate from their eyes as they blame you for their unhappiness without any compassion for your own pain. Seeing the person who took your first kiss, your virginity & pledged your life to them for life stare at you as though you are some sort of disease. Hearing them degrade you one minute, then shower you with affection the next only to turn their back on you the moment the “other” comes back into the picture with an email or myspace message. And, the whole time wanting to be supportive to them because you believe they are going through an identity crisis & because you love them you want to be there as they go through their own painful experience.
This pain is greater than I thought I would ever experience. It tears you apart from the inside, slowly, painfully & you can feel every pin as it pushes against the walls of your organs, your heart & tries to break through the skin.
Add on top of the pain, the stress of being in your final semester of graduate work, putting a theatre production together in two weeks, working 20 hour days for that span. Putting together your thesis debate to defend it. And, having your wisdom teeth removed.
Yes, all of this happened between Jan & April of 2007.
A number of things happened that helped me through this. I had some wonderful friends who supported me. I had family who loved me. I had my own intellectual mind that was able to see the signs of pain & I had the strength to call a counselor while in tears & her kindness of talking with me on the phone for 30 mins for free, scheduling me the next day AM to come into the office. During that 30 min call, she suggested I seek additional help from a Psychiatrist as they may want to put me on a med to help me through it. I was able to get myself an appointment that following Monday into a new doctor that had just opened up her private practice after leaving the University’s hospital. (If any of you know Psychiatrists, you know their schedule is never that open..I was lucky).
I also went for a few appointments to the family counseling center at the University. I think I shocked the Graduate student who was my counselor, as I had quite a story. (What I have revealed is not the full story.)
All of that support around me helped me get over the pain enough that I no longer thought suicide was the answer. But, it wasn’t for another year and a half that I would be fully out of that emotion. It would take me moving in with my parents for 2 months, filing for divorce, moving 900 miles away to Alabama for my new job to get me moving. But, it wasn’t until a few months after my divorce was final did I ever feel free enough to break away from that pain. That was a year ago last March. I went off medication in July of last year. I still struggled with highs and lows, but it was no longer completely based on my past, but now about my future & present, so I had moved forward.
What suicide, depression & pain has taught me is that I’m extremely strong, I have the desire, the will and the want to not allow the pain to overtake me. But, most of all, despite having only a few close friends, they are ones that I love with my life. While my relationship life may have forever been hurt as I struggle to trust people, my love of life was not destroyed. I would not let that die within my heart. My heart still longs to be compassionate & I long to love someone greater than myself. For now, that part of my life remains empty, but I know when it’s time, I’ll be ready (I hope). I just hope they are ready to handle what might be within me not only in love, but also in pain. For I know, once I have someone who loves me enough to be willing to comfort my heart, the darkness that hides within me will need some light but the switch is nowhere to be found.
Okay, so I keep wanting to open myself up further on this blog so that anyone who happens to be following can know more about me. This is a spin off of another blogger @rebelliousgirl (http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/) who allowed her readers to ask her any question they wanted and she would answer them. I really liked the idea of that concept because it not only allows you to learn more but it gives you the opportunity to create the content. My twist is that I’m not quite ready to let you ask me anything, so I still want to remain in control of the questions a little bit. So, what I have done is created a poll with a series of questions. Please vote in the poll for the question you would most like me to answer. Since today is nearly over, I will collect the answers on Sunday late & post my answers sometime on Monday. This gives you two full days to vote.
I will answer the top three questions. And, I promise you, I will not just answer them with a short, yes or no answer or something pointless like that, but it will be a well thought out answer. I will also look at the other questions I don’t answer and any that got quite a few votes but not enough to be answered this time and consider doing future blogs related to them as well.
So have fun & enjoy, I can’t wait to see what you tell me to answer.
First of all, the phone I have now is an LG Incite. It is a touch screen phone running on Windows Mobile 6.1. The problems I am having with it range from the phone’s inablity to connect or stay connected to the data network (3g or E) causing me to have network errors. Especially when I’m using email or twitter apps. My phone sometimes fails to connect to the cell tower to make a phone call despite having bars as well and on occasion hasn’t rang when someone calls. The internal RAM is too small making it impossible to switch quickly between programs or functions. Such as a twitter application and my camera. The operating system frequently becomes unresponsive to a point where I have to reset. The camera settings do not maintain and I find myself taking low res photos when I thought I was taking high res. And finally, my touch screen – the upper corner where the “x” sits no longer functions, making it nearly difficult to close anything unless I tilt the phone sideways. I also have been hard on it and there are now multiple scratched and scuffs on the screen and when the light hits it at the right place I sometimes can see some parts of the screen because of the scuffs.
The Blackberry Bold 
The iPhone 3G S
One of the questions in my poll a few posts back was “Have you ever thought of suicide?”
Okay, so I keep wanting to open myself up further on this blog so that anyone who happens to be following can know more about me. This is a spin off of another blogger @rebelliousgirl (
