Free me from the bounds I have placed on myself & give me life.

Posted: July 26th, 2009 | Author: Moonstar Silverwolf | Filed under: Personal | Tags: fight, life, meaning, searching | View Comments

“I wish I could find people who just would fight me & break through to me & hold me down & scream their life into my face” – Angelina Jolie

Today, I have realized that I am lacking passion within my heart. Passion to love, passion to fight, passion to do. My life is nothing, nothing worth fighting for. Nothing to love. Nothing. I keep searching for why, and all I am finding is that my heart is searching but my mind cannot. The doors are closing and I have no motivation to keep them open. Yet, I still try. It’s like a dream, a bad no good terrible dream. I’m laying in bed and darkness overcomes as I slowly lose the desire to breathe. It’s trapping me.

Fight_Series__by_larafairie Is it this town, this job? Is it the fact that love still escapes me? Even when I think I am finding the answer, I reach dead ends. It’s as though I am traveling the wrong path the whole time. Yet deep down, I still believe I am doing what I’m suppose to do. But, my searching continues, never finding what the answers are or even what the question is. And the only thing I can do is step back, look within and ask, what the hell is insides me? Where am I going in life?

I count my stars to realize I have an education, a career & a job. But, I also seek more. Every day, I wish I could go back to school, back to learning, back to the life I had when I was doing so. I’m thirsty, yet I have no water. Every time I am given water, it gets taken away slowly as I slowly suck down the dry air in it’s place.

What am I fighting for? I think this is the biggest question. Am I fighting for myself, my love, my fellow man? Am I fighting for meaning, truth and peace? I just keep searching and at some point I lose myself in the search. I cannot search anymore.

I just want someone to walk into my life and break me out of this. Stop following me and lead me, lead me towards something that is worth my life in blood. Lead me to something worth dying for, fighting for, living for.

Free me from the bounds I have placed on myself & give me life.

Cookie Monster

The song "Bring me to life" comes to mind.

Sometimes it's hard to find a direction in life... I guess its like comparing choppy seas to still water - the excitement a buzz just doesn't "exist" for a while. In times like that, have tended to step back and take things back to basics... anything which I do out of the ordinary is then my big wave in still waters :)
.-= Cookie Monster´s last blog ..Starry eyed guest blogging…. =-.