Letting the mind wonder..

“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” – James Arthur Baldwin

Occasionally, I see the news of a celebrity couple who is getting a divorce or splitting up and sometimes these are caused because one of them has gone outside of the relationship to have an affair. And, every time I see something like this it reminds me about my own experiences and makes me ponder the idea of why someone feels they need to cheat.

There are some who theorize that we are not meant to live in pairs. But, really is this the problem? Is the problem that we cannot biologically abstain from cheating on our loved one? Because, I have not, so what makes me different? Am I not normal?

Whether we are biologically programmed or not really does not answer the underlining question of why we would make a promise to someone and then go out of our way to break it. Or, perhaps not even out of our way, but it still happens. And then the lies and cover ups that follow just show that you know it is wrong.

Then, I wonder, what is more hurtful, the fact that your loved one broke your trust and bond or that they lied about it or tried to cover it up. Makes you wonder what is going on in the head of the deceiver.

In my own case, the relationship was 7 years old and the more legal bond between the two of us was less than 6 months. My partner’s notes that followed told me that our relationship had become dull and routine. Yet, all I could ask is, so why don’t we work together to address this and go through the process of bringing the relationship where it needed to go. This would be the sign of a mature relationship and couple willing to work together to gather the pieces together so that something that has been going on for many years does not just end because of a mistake. A stupid one, yes, but one that doesn’t have to end something. I mean, take a look at John Edward’s family. They are not fully past the mistake that John made, but they are doing it together and moving forward. Yes, Elizabeth has cancer that may cause her not to live a long time, but I doubt that is why they are still together or she would be miserable and living with cancer (not my choice of a good time)

I don’t know where I am going with this question or story, I guess I just wanted to write and see what happened. So, what causes a person to cheat, lie and betray and then what happens with the relationship after wards? Is the old statement -”once a cheater always a cheater” going to hold true? And if so, then my ex will have some interesting life experiences ahead, that’s for sure.

Love is a very interesting emotion and the fact that we combine ourselves together with the emotion in such a fragile situation that can easily be destroyed by one person, rather interesting.

As much as those moments within my life hurt and drove me down to depths I never ever wish to be again, it’s a wonderful feeling to come out of it, to feel alive and to look back at what I went through knowing that I am stronger for it. The idea that despite the pain, I really did not know how toxic the relationship was until I was over the pain. Anyone else have this experience other than me, I guess I feel like I am alone in this feeling. Or maybe it has been my attempt to reason within myself the fact that I am happier now than I ever was when I was in the relationship and all I can do is laugh because to think, I could still be miserable. And the lessons that I learned are valuable. And all I do is laugh when I hear about my ex’s life experiences because of how naive they are.

Any thoughts from the peanut gallery? Especially if you have experiences in marriage or whether you have been cheated on and how you went about moving forward. I know you have some thoughts for me

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