Getting a little personal

A recent exchange led me to decide that I need to have a more personal blog on here. I do have thoughts that can be posted on a public blog and I do plan to expand this blog a little more than it has to include more things about me and not just about political, religious or theatre stuff. While I will not be blogging about the subject that lead to this blog (looking into a woman’s eyes), but, how about a look back to some poetry that I wrote last year in 2008. During that long year, I went through a ton of emotional highs and lows and often during these highs and lows I would write poetry.

The first one was written the day I signed my divorce decree & payed my bill in full and mailed it back to my lawyer:

You will not hurt me anymore
Written February 24th, 2008

Wasted
Should I think this way about my past?
What is the reason that you were with me?
Was it because I was nice to you
Or, the fact that I was good in bed?
Was I your savior
Or just a piece of ass?
And, when someone better came through
Why did it take just a moment
To throw me away?
Did you realize the pain you were putting me through
Just with that kiss!
The words that came from your mouth
And the disrespect
In a moment, crumbling my life
Like it meant nothing

And now, as I look back
I have tried so hard to hate
But I cannot
And the worst thing I can say
Is that I do not love you
Anymore
I cannot hate someone
No matter what they did
For that is who I am
And you know that too
Which is why you won’t talk to me
Can you live with yourself?
Knowing where you put me?
Where you took me?
Where you lead me?
Can you live with yourself
Knowing what I did for you?
Knowing what I sacrificed
And what I lived for
Knowing that I loved you?

I’m ready now to put this behind me
As I write the last check
I realize how ironic it is
That I paid more for my love to end
Than for the love to begin
Will my life always be like this?
Or will someone come into my life
That proves to me that love
Is not always painful
But is actually quite nice
Can someone love me knowing
That they have that weighed on them
Perhaps
Perhaps not
This I do not know
But, I do know that I am done with her
She will never hurt me again
And I will move on
To find and love again
This is a promise I make
To myself
And to the one who will hold my heart
You will not hurt me anymore.

———
The second, written not about a specific person, but an idea.

Secretly, I feel you in my heart
Written May 11, 2008

Days will turn to night
But not a day goes by
That I don’t dream of being
In your arms

Secretly I sit alone
Thinking about how
All I want is to be next to you
Holding your hand

You may not know how I feel
Or who I am talking to
But, secretly I wish you did
So I could reach over and kiss you

I long to see your smile
To look deep into your eyes
Running my fingers through your hair
Touching your soft skin

I’m not sure what will ever come
But, I know that I am better now
That you entered my life
And gave me reason to live

Walking along this dirt road
I still walk alone
But I can hear your footsteps nearby
I know you are close

I can feel you in my heart

———–
So, there you have it, I got a little personal, I will definitely be writing more blogs like this during the coming months, I’m sure. Spring semester is almost finished and summer is about to begin. With more time on my hands to look within myself, I have more chances to reflect and dream. I have been missing the dreaming in my life.

Related posts:

1. The #Gaza Massacre changed my life: A Personal story
2. Empty Pages
3. Never Let your Lips Forget
4. Longing Eyes
5. My First Post